Author: Cary and Tonja Rector

Explaining to your child why you want her to talk with a therapist can be worrisome for parents. What to say? Will she be offended? Will she think you believe something is her fault or she needs to be “fixed”? Will a young child even understand the purpose? Often children are willing to speak to a therapist and are even curious about therapy. If they are experiencing emotional pain, they may be relieved there is someone who can help. When introducing the idea of play therapy, here are some tips for a successful conversation. Bring up the subject when things…

Divorce is stressful for both parents and children. In large part the stress for parents is wondering how their child will cope with the divorce. The good news is parents can do several things to make the changes easier on kids, leading to better adjustment. Every family is unique, as are the circumstances surrounding separation and divorce. In our clinical work we realize how important it is to appreciate these specific differences and the different emotional temperaments of each family member. There are, however, several universal factors that make a significant difference in the post-divorce lives of children. Despite divorce,…

High school seniors have a lot to think about, including college visits, applications, financial aid forms and, of course, graduation. For parents of high school seniors with learning disabilities or attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, there are additional concerns. These teens often have supports in place at home and school to help them stay organized, manage their time and meet academic demands, but parents worry how their teen will fare in college. And there is reason to be concerned. Students with ADHD or LD are more likely than their peers to struggle in college. As Theresa Maitland and Patricia Quinn write…

An inflexible, easily frustrated and explosive child makes life very difficult for both the child and those around him. It has a dramatic effect on family life and can make parenting an exhausting and sometimes painful experience. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child, offers a unique way of conceptualizing why some children are easily frustrated and explosive, while outlining effective techniques for dealing with the problem. We have used his approach in our practice and found it helpful. Greene suggests that these children do not have a problem with motivation, so using a behavioral approach with rewards and consequences…

When parents learn their child has a disability, life changes. Parents report a variety of emotions, including profound sadness, anxiety and uncertainty. Many say they were devastated by the news and remember little about the days following the diagnosis. Life can become centered on consultations with specialists, professional services, and other activities and appointments relating to the child’s disability. The responsibility of caring for a child with a disability can be exhausting. Parents of children with special needs often report fatigue and feelings of depression. Facing the loss of what they imagined their child’s future would be, parents may feel…

Stepfamilies are a common family structure yet information about what is typical and expected at different stages can be difficult to find. We often work with stepfamilies and find this lack of information contributes to feelings of confusion and discouragement for all family members. Stepfamilies are fundamentally different from first-time families. One difference is a parent-child relationship predates the married couple’s relationship. The kids were there “first.” This dynamic affects all relationships in a stepfamily. Another difference is adults and children with no prior relationship living in the same household. The thing that brings them together is the marriage. The…

Have you ever encountered a child with obsessive compulsive disorder? Bobby (a fictional character) is typical. His day is governed by rituals. His alarm goes off at 5 a.m. He shuts off the alarm twice; even numbers are good. He puts his left foot on the floor, then his right foot. Left is always first; “left” has four letters, and if he wants to have a good day he needs to keep even numbers. His bus doesn’t come until 7:45, but he has a lot to do. He gets dressed, left arm then right—more even numbers. Now left leg, then…

Children need to play—for social, physical and emotional development, and for mental health. As a matter of fact, play is so important for children it is listed as a right by the United Nations High Commission for Human Rights. Unstructured, child-driven play is the primary way children learn about their environment. It provides opportunities to practice large and fine motor skills as well as social and decision making skills. Play allows children to express emotions and work out stress. Play involving parents is imperative for children to form strong relationships and develop confidence. Go to any playground or park and…

A number of years ago we had the opportunity to visit an alternative school that individualized curriculum to meet specific interests of students and foster intrinsic motivation. We talked with an 11-year-old who for the past four months had been working on his chosen project of “How Birds Fly.” His teachers helped him explore and learn math, physics, biology, aerodynamics, history and the proper format for writing a research paper. Everything was constructed around his interest. He showed us the skeletal models of birds he built, flew ornithopters, demonstrated a small wind tunnel he constructed to observe how different airfoils…

Becoming a parent for the first time is amazing. Most parents will tell you it was a pivotal moment, changing them in unexpected ways. While there is lots of information available for expecting or new mothers, information for first-time fathers can be harder to find. This coupled with the fact that men typically are less likely than women to talk to their friends and seek outside support can leave first-time fathers with a lack of information and peer support. While fathers don’t have the outward signs of change that pregnancy brings to women, the changes that accompany becoming a father…