Author: Cary and Tonja Rector
In our work with stepfamilies we often hear about children’s behavior toward a stepparent: “My husband’s daughter doesn’t like me! She is rude and he does nothing about it,” says a woman who sits with her arms crossed during a therapy session. Her husband shakes his head and looks defeated. “I don’t know why my daughter acts like she does,” he says. “My wife is a great stepmother; she does a lot for my daughter. When I try to talk to my child about her behavior, all she says is that I don’t understand.” Children’s hostility toward stepparents can be…
Ahh—sleep. It’s what every parent wants for her child and herself. Helping parents establish a good nighttime routine for their children is a regular topic in our work with families. Understanding why sleep is so important and what environment encourages sleep helps parents devise a good nighttime ritual for their kids. Although there’s still much to learn about sleep, we now understand it’s necessary for physical growth, healing and emotional health. Studies have shown deep sleep coincides with the release of growth hormone in children and young adults. Sleep is also required for our nervous systems to work properly. According…
As the reading aloud portion of instruction begins, David squirms in his seat and talks to his neighbor. When the teacher asks him to read from the assignment, he calls the teacher a name and gets sent to the principal’s office. School is the No. 1 activity of children. When a child begins to experience behavioral or academic problems at school (many times they go hand in hand) it quickly becomes a concern for parents. In our practice, we see many children having all kinds of school difficulties. As we begin to evaluate and understand the possible causes of a…
“Can I talk to you for a minute?” asks a worried-looking mother after her daughter’s therapy session. “Please wait for me in the car,” she says to her 17-year-old. “We are very concerned about her relationship with her boyfriend,” she tells the therapist after her daughter has left. “We think he may have pushed her during a recent argument. He seems to be jealous of her other friends and activities. She defends him and makes excuses. We don’t know what to do.” Here’s what the therapist says: Teens are new at dating and what happens during those first experiences can…
When 3-year-old Emily sees her older brother has cut his finger, she grabs her own finger and winces. This “mirroring” effect, where we experience “secondhand” pain, is something we have all felt. Research is demonstrating there is a neurological link between our own experience of pain and our perception of pain in others. The parts of the brain active in personal experiences of pain are also active when observing pain in others. This ability also appears to be present in other animals. Brain scans and neurological research might make one wonder if empathy is an automatic process rather than something…
“Billy you have 10 minutes to end your game. It’s Tuesday, your day to help clean up the kitchen.” “In a minute.” “I asked you 20 minutes ago to end the game!” “Just let me finish this level!” “That’s it, get off the game!” On and on it goes. We often encounter parents and kids locked in a power struggle. The issues vary, but the dynamic is the same. Parents are irritated, angry and cannot understand the kid’s behavior. The child continues the behavior—and gets into more trouble with his parent. Certain misbehaviors are very common and considered normal. Power…