Parents begin preparing for a new baby’s arrival from the moment they receive a positive pregnancy test. They research car seats and baby gear, prepare the nursery, and read books on baby care. But no matter how much you do prior to birth, nothing can truly prepare you for the exciting and overwhelming moment when you bring the baby home from the hospital for the first time and realize you are responsible for a beautiful tiny person. Even experienced moms may feel overwhelmed as they add another family member to an already busy household. Over time, mothers can build their confidence, or ‘momfidence,’ and feel more comfortable taking care of their children.
Bond with Baby
Simply spending time with your baby one-on-one will help you build confidence. You are capable of feeding, changing, loving, and caring for your baby’s needs. As you get more experience, give yourself a pat on the back. You were chosen to be the mother of your baby, and you are the perfect person for the job.
Trust Your Instincts
Many new moms feel like they are flooded with unsolicited advice that is sometimes helpful and sometimes not. Learn to trust your instincts. Well-meaning advice from your great-aunt, who raised kids in the 1950s, is likely to be outdated. Only you and your partner can decide what is best for your child’s individual needs. When in doubt, consult your pediatrician; they are happy to answer questions, especially from new parents.
Abby Vanden Hull, a mom of four, suggests surrounding yourself with people that can support and cheer you on. “Finding online groups for people in the same stage of life helps on the days when I am feeling down and alone because it’s always there when I pick up my phone.”
Practice Self-Care
It’s no surprise that new moms are often exhausted, forget to eat and drink, put others’ needs before their own, and feel like they don’t even have time to wash their hair. A nap, a shower, and a decent meal can do wonders for your attitude and outlook. If needed, ask your significant other, family member, or friend to watch the baby for a few minutes while you take care of your own needs. You will be surprised at how relaxed and confident you feel when you return to care for your children.
Don’t Compare
Comparison is an easy pitfall for most parents. Do your best not to compare your children to others around you or on social media. Every child develops at their own pace and has their own strengths and challenges to overcome. Similarly, each mom will parent differently and have individual values, strengths, and weaknesses to overcome as well.
Figure out what is important to your family. What are your values? What are your pet peeves? What helps your household run smoothly? What things can you let go of? No family will have the same dynamic, and that is perfectly okay. Taking stock of what is truly important will help you adjust accordingly and feel more confident in your parenting skills.
Be Kind to Yourself
I woke up with a start and heard my baby screaming from his room. Exhausted from a series of sleepless nights, I had fallen asleep on the couch during his nap and forgot to turn on the baby monitor. I rubbed the fog from my eyes and raced to his bedside. It was clear he had been crying for a while, and I felt like a terrible mom. Even when moms have the best intentions, they make mistakes. Be kind to yourself and don’t beat yourself up. Maybe you will forget to buy diapers, skip a bath, or have to let them cry while you tend to another child, and they will have normal bumps and bruises. Just because you make mistakes in parenting does not mean you are a bad mom.
Parenting is a job that is always changing. As soon as you develop a routine and things calm down, your child develops a new skill, a new challenge arises, or your situation changes. With each developmental milestone, give yourself a pat on the back. You are a wonderful, confident mother, and you deserve to celebrate alongside your child. Parenthood is the most overwhelming and rewarding job you will ever have, and over time you will develop “momfidence” in your skills as a mom.
10 Things Every Mom Wants to Hear
Words of affirmation can do wonders for building a new mom’s confidence. You can speak these words to someone you feel would benefit from hearing them or you can remind yourself they are true for you too:
- “You are doing a great job!”
- “You are doing your best.”
- “You were meant to be their mom.”
- “You do so much for your family. Thanks!”
- “You are a great example for your kids.”
- “I love how you see the best in your kids.”
- “I see your best qualities developing in your children.”
- “I see you. I appreciate you.”
- “You are beautiful.”
- “The kids love you and so do I.”
