What's Hot

    Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year

    September 1, 2023

    315 Bulletin

    September 1, 2023

    Kate Laissle, Director of Education at Syracuse Stage

    September 1, 2023
    Facebook Twitter Instagram
    Trending
    • Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year
    • 315 Bulletin
    • Kate Laissle, Director of Education at Syracuse Stage
    • Explore CNY: Cortland is home to a nature center, a theatre, and a Guinness World Record holder
    • Homework Habits: How to Motivate Kids
    • After-School Activities and Programs in CNY
    • Syracuse Stage Celebrates 50th Season
    • Fun, Educational Websites You Won’t Want Your Kids to Miss
    Facebook Twitter Instagram YouTube
    Family TimesFamily Times
    • Community Guide
    • Things to Do in CNY
      1. Central New York Events
      2. Activities
      3. Treat Yourself
      Featured

      Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year

      By Courtney KlessSeptember 1, 20230
      Recent

      Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year

      September 1, 2023

      Explore CNY: Cortland is home to a nature center, a theatre, and a Guinness World Record holder

      September 1, 2023

      Treat Yourself: Right Mind Syracuse hosts one-session art workshops at local venues

      August 1, 2023
    • Parenting
      1. Pregnancy
      2. Babies
      3. Kids
      4. Preschoolers/Toddlers
      5. Special Needs
      6. Teens
      7. Pets
      8. View All

      The Power to Save a Life: Cord blood is being used to treat more than 80 diseases

      January 30, 2020

      It’s Not What It Looks Like: Reflections on motherhood’s changes, outside and inside

      July 29, 2019

      In Search of Sleep: 8 Strategies for coping with wakeful babies

      July 29, 2019

      A Surgical Birth: Many pregnant women are likely to deliver by cesarean

      July 29, 2019

      Strangers Bearing Advice: New babies bring out the expert in everyone

      August 1, 2021

      Hand to Mouth: How to help babies start to sample solid food

      August 1, 2020

      315 Bulletin

      August 1, 2020

      Name, Please? Expectant parents face another momentous decision

      August 1, 2020

      Prep Work: Keep your family’s food safe this summer

      June 1, 2022

      A Blooming Craft: These homemade flowers make a great centerpiece

      March 1, 2021

      Rainbow Snowflakes: A colorful craft even little ones can make

      November 24, 2020

      DIY Critter Magnets: Make cute clips for hanging reminders and more

      September 1, 2020

      DIY Critter Magnets: Make cute clips for hanging reminders and more

      September 1, 2020

      Allergy Adjustments: Parents can support their food allergic child

      September 3, 2019

      Calming Commotion: How to deal with car sickness and more

      June 27, 2019

      Introducing Riff Rockit: Kindie artist to play jingles at Leon Fest

      June 1, 2017

      A History of Inclusion: The Jowonio School marked 50 years in 2019

      March 30, 2020

      Reaching a Milestone: Now the largest chapter in the country, Special Olympics New York is celebrating 50 years

      March 30, 2020

      Come Out and Play: Move Along offers adaptive sports for youth, adults

      March 30, 2020

      Let’s Get Together: Remaking classrooms so all students are included

      September 3, 2019

      Prep Work: Keep your family’s food safe this summer

      June 1, 2022

      A Little Jolt: Caffeine’s risks for kids and teens

      March 1, 2021

      A Blooming Craft: These homemade flowers make a great centerpiece

      March 1, 2021

      Environmental Club: Auburn Junior High School

      January 30, 2020

      Furry Friends: What it takes to adopt a pet for the first time

      July 1, 2020

      Tail Wagging Fun: Lights on the Lake Dog Walk 2019

      November 14, 2019

      Uncommon Companions: Local pet store sticks to its niche

      May 30, 2019

      Dog Food for Thought: Trying to keep your pet from your plate

      May 30, 2019

      Homework Habits: How to Motivate Kids

      September 1, 2023

      After-School Activities and Programs in CNY

      September 1, 2023

      Fun, Educational Websites You Won’t Want Your Kids to Miss

      September 1, 2023

      Take the Stress Out of School Mornings

      August 31, 2023
    • Health
      1. Child Development
      2. Food
      3. Nutrition
      4. The “Recipe Doctor”
      5. View All

      Financial Literacy for Families: How parents can teach children, teens about money management

      April 1, 2022

      Strangers Bearing Advice: New babies bring out the expert in everyone

      August 1, 2021

      Choosing a Daycare: Learn As You Grow’s Joshua LaGrow offers some tips for finding the right fit

      August 1, 2021

      A Little Jolt: Caffeine’s risks for kids and teens

      March 1, 2021

      Berries and Cream Croissant Breakfast Casserole

      June 1, 2023

      Prep Work: Keep your family’s food safe this summer

      June 1, 2022

      Nutrition in No Time: Are you always on the go? These tips will help you stay on track.

      January 1, 2022

      Easy Holiday Recipes: Are you searching for some new dishes this season? These are some of our favorites.

      November 1, 2021

      Nutrition in No Time: Are you always on the go? These tips will help you stay on track.

      January 1, 2022

      Liking Lunch: Best bets for serving kids a delicious, nutritious meal

      September 1, 2021

      A Little Jolt: Caffeine’s risks for kids and teens

      March 1, 2021

      Better Choices: How about a resolution to eat vegetables and other nutritious foods?

      January 1, 2021

      Best Friend’s Treats: Bake up some special dog biscuits

      June 1, 2018

      Colorful Soup in a Jar: Give the gift of winter comfort

      December 1, 2015

      Berry Good! Use a summer favorite in this ice cream

      July 1, 2015

      Flapjack Fever: Even pancakes can be a healthy breakfast

      June 1, 2015

      Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year

      September 1, 2023

      Treat Yourself: Right Mind Syracuse hosts one-session art workshops at local venues

      August 1, 2023

      Treat Yourself: Oswego Harborfest returns with food, live music and children’s activities

      June 28, 2023

      Treat Yourself: Explore restored wetlands, more at Canastota’s Great Swamp Conservancy

      June 1, 2023
    • Travel
    • Education
      1. Educator of the Month
      2. Class of the Month
      3. Education News
      4. Reading
      5. Teaching
      Featured

      Kate Laissle, Director of Education at Syracuse Stage

      By Courtney KlessSeptember 1, 20230
      Recent

      Kate Laissle, Director of Education at Syracuse Stage

      September 1, 2023

      Annie Gordon, Education Program Coordinator at the Sciencenter

      July 31, 2023

      Stephanie Waldron, Director of Environmental Risk Assessment for the Onondaga County Health Department

      June 28, 2023
    • Crafts & DIY
      • Create
      • Holiday Crafts
    Family TimesFamily Times
    Home»Parenting»First Person»In Search of The Right Look: Encouraging fashion flair while discouraging barely there looks
    First Person

    In Search of The Right Look: Encouraging fashion flair while discouraging barely there looks

    Deborah CavanaghBy Deborah CavanaghFebruary 1, 2015Updated:February 8, 2019No Comments5 Mins Read
    Share
    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn Pinterest Email

    My mom had it easy. I attended high school during the early 1980s. Remember fashion back then? The preppy look. Baggy jeans. Benetton sweaters. Prairie shirts. And Gunne Sax prom dresses that went up to your neck and down to the floor with lace.

    “Goth” did not exist. Sporty kids dressed sporty. Nerdy kids dressed nerdy. Even girls of questionable reputation kept body parts under wraps. Their jeans were just a tad tighter, their hair a bit higher.

    I was definitely a fashion follower. I preferred conservative and comfortable. If it was poking, pinching or pushing any part of me, it was not worn. I don’t recall ever hearing about the “fingertip” rule. I never had a teacher or administrator pull a school jersey out of a desk drawer to cover me up in any way.

    Advertisement

    Today I am a mom with a high school daughter living in my house. Her first day of ninth grade I sat in my car in horror as I watched teenage girls saunter into the high school.

    I will admit, there was a wee bit of envy. I won’t see firm or cellulite-free ever again. And to be honest, I never came close to looking as good as some of these young girls. But Holy Skin, Batman! The cleavage. The butt cheeks. And even much that was covered left nothing to the imagination.

    Thoughts of “Where is the bottom part of her outfit?” flew through my mind. I wanted to jump out of my car and pull things down and button things up. But there was not enough fabric to do either.

    Now, not every ensemble provokes fear. I love the skater skirts and dresses, or yoga pants with a long sweater or shirt, or skinny jeans with layered tops, scarves and boots.

    My 17-year-old daughter, Amanda, is very fashion-aware. She likes “cute outfits.” When shopping she will pull something off a rack and say, “Like so and so wears.” She watches the Disney Channel and tries to accessorize with the same flair as the stars.

    My challenge is that she seems to have no awareness of body type or size. I used to attribute this to the fact that she has special needs. I rationalized having Down syndrome, and certain cognitive challenges, must be affecting her fashion decisions.

    Now I am not so sure. I realized—through observation while waiting in the pickup line at the end of the day, and working at the school store for a couple of hours each month—that many typical teen girls struggle with balancing fashionable styles and good decisions.

    What flatters one does not flatter all. And what is worn by a star on TV is not always appropriate for a teen in high school. Most importantly, just because one girl has her shorts hiked up her booty does not mean it is OK for my daughter to do the same.

    How do we convey these messages to our daughters without damaging self-esteem? What language do we use to make them understand that less is not always more? That it is possible to have style without looking slutty?

    My fashion sense is not the same as my daughter’s. To make matters more challenging, our body types are totally different. I am tall, thinnish, with no noticeable shape. She is petite and curvy. I have to make a conscious effort to not project my style, or lack thereof, on her.

    Plus, I am not a teenage girl and have not been one for a very, very long time. I counsel, “You don’t have to follow the lead of the so-called popular girls.” “Not all attention is good attention.”

    But I also remember that the excitement of a new outfit can make you jump out of bed in the morning and head blissfully into school. Far be it for me to kill that joy.

    However, there are times when the girl emerges from her bedroom and poses at the top of the stairs and inside my head I scream “No!” If I am only on my first cup of coffee, the filter needed, and creativity required, to address the situation with tact are just not in place.

    “That outfit is just not going to happen.” And our morning heads in a bad direction fast.

    You may be thinking, “Just have her pick her clothes out the night before so you know what she is going to wear.” Doesn’t work, as that outfit may end up sitting in its sad little spot on her chair while she pulls together a non-mom-approved ensemble. “Rid her closet of offensive, ill-fitting items.” I try, but sometimes it is not the article of clothing by itself, but the way it is hitched, cinched or manipulated that causes the problem.

    I know I need to give her the freedom to make her own style choices while I respectfully give guidance when it is needed. I must remember that everyone makes unfortunate outfit decisions, and that it is not the end of the world if one of those outfits is on my child every now and then.

    I am lucky. My daughter does not have image issues. She believes she looks fabulous in whatever getup she’s got on. I need to be careful to not kill that belief. I must remember, once again, it is not about me.

    The first school morning of 2015 dawned. Amanda stood at the top of the stairs in a cute new outfit Nana Vecchio bought her for Christmas: sweater dress, leggings, matching hair accessories, socks, and a big smile. I gazed up at her, second cup of coffee in hand, and said, “Oh, you look so wonderful this morning!” Thank you, God, Nana, and Amanda. I am holding onto that good feeling because there are many more mornings to come.

    Share. Facebook Twitter Pinterest LinkedIn WhatsApp Reddit Tumblr Email
    Deborah Cavanagh

    Related Posts

    Homework Habits: How to Motivate Kids

    September 1, 2023

    After-School Activities and Programs in CNY

    September 1, 2023

    Fun, Educational Websites You Won’t Want Your Kids to Miss

    September 1, 2023
    Flip Through Our Latest Issue!
    Stay In Touch
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • LinkedIn
    Top Posts

    Summer Activities Guide

    June 1, 2023147 Views

    DIY: Make your own vibrant, paper fans in only a few easy steps

    July 1, 2020107 Views

    Wondrous Waterfalls

    June 1, 202374 Views

    Staying Safe This Summer

    June 28, 202366 Views
    Recent Posts
    • Treat Yourself: Festa Italiana returns for its 25th year
    • 315 Bulletin
    • Kate Laissle, Director of Education at Syracuse Stage
    • Explore CNY: Cortland is home to a nature center, a theatre, and a Guinness World Record holder
    • Homework Habits: How to Motivate Kids

    Family Times Magazine publishes a digital magazine highlighting events, businesses, and content to inform and entertain families here in Central New York. Sign up for our twice monthly newsletter to have the magazine and other featured content.
    ____

    Email Us: [email protected]
    Contact: 1.315.422.7011

    Facebook Twitter LinkedIn RSS
    Our Picks
    Most Popular

    Summer Activities Guide

    June 1, 2023147 Views

    DIY: Make your own vibrant, paper fans in only a few easy steps

    July 1, 2020107 Views

    Wondrous Waterfalls

    June 1, 202374 Views
    © 2023 Family Times, CNY. Designed by Crossroads Marketing.
    • Our Authors
    • Archives
    • Community Events Calendar
    • Advertising

    Type above and press Enter to search. Press Esc to cancel.

    Go to mobile version